As I sit hear and think about whats for lunch I am also thinking about how badly I need to lose weight. Ironic? Not if you are me. I think about this constantly "I need to lose weight" and "whats my next meal going to be" are the two most common thoughts in my head. I need to lose weight, BUT I enjoy eating all the wrong things...plus I am an emotional eater and that doesn't help.

I turned 29 a couple of days ago and took it pretty rough. I'm not married, I have no kids (or even plans for kids), and I have no career and am still in school. I feel like I need to go to the moon and back in the next 365 days. There is so many things that I promised myself I would be or do by the time I was 30. I am no where close. Boy, did I set myself up for disappointment?

Out of all the things I need and want to get done in the next year I can't help but think of the physical changes I would like to make to myself. Does that make me shallow? Why aren't my first thoughts that I have to make all "A's" in my classes to raise my GPA? Is there something wrong with me? Do all people do this? I keep thinking in my twisted mind that beautiful people much have life so easy. I know in my 29 year old mind that this is a false statement so why do I keep coming back to this?

I need to fix the inside and the outside will follow (or at least that's what I keep promising myself). So this year is about ME. I am going to do me and work on my and if it doesn't work for me then I am going to change to something that does.

THINGS I NEED TO FIX

1. My heart. I need to strengthen my heart. Physically and emotionally. I know that my heart health is not where it should be. My father has a bad heart and I know that heart desiease runs in the family and yet I have been so busy and lazy that I haven't made an effort to keep my heart healthy. Emotionally my heart has been wrecked. I know that our past is our past and its supposed to stay that way but its very hard. I need to work on letting things go and not thinking that because one person broke my heart that its not repairable.

2. My energy. I need more energy physically as well as mentally. I consider mental energy as motivation...I need mental energy to get myself to the gym in the mornings and to help me study at night. I know going to the gym would make me feel better but its so hard to start.

3. My age. I know I can't literally do anythign about my age but I can try to take care of myself more and appear younger. I feel that I am looking older then I am and that doesn't do much for my selfesteem.

4. My confidence. I've never had any so I guess "aquiring confidence" would be the best place to start. There isn't to much that I honestly like about my physical appearence but I am working on it. I hate how chunky my arms are BUT within the last week I have gotten over that and started wearing sleeveless shirts. I'm not totally confortable in them but when its 100 degrees outside...I don't care if my arms are fat as long as I'm a little bit cooler then I would be with a baggy oversized short sleve shirt on.

5. My attitude. I think for the most part I have a pretty good attitude but lately I have really been a "glass half empty" person and Im not sure why. I like to laugh and I would say that I have a pretty good sense of humor so I need to figure out what exactly has me being so negative.

Those are the main 5 things that I can think of (for right now) that I am going to want to work on over the span of the next year. I am goign to try to blog on a regular basis just to keep myself from holding things in. I also think that it will be a helpful tool. I am looking forward to going back and reading what I have written to see where I can make changes in the way I am living my life.

I hope that you continue to follow me in my journey from my late twenties to my early thirties.